Travis Vogt (obese) and Kevin Clarke (emaciated)
Travis Vogt was born in the temperate Yakima Valley, a utopia of lush greenery and progressive humanism until the meteors came. At the tender age of 24, he was sent away from the snug embrace of home and unceremoniously sloughed off into the cruel, cruel world. Life was hard for several days, and Travis had to endure many travails, including wind, sales tax, and a particularly lumpy mattress.
But then came the fateful day when Travis met Casey Kasem, the illustrious host of "America's Top Forty", a radio program showcasing the finest music the nation's top harmonic artisans could produce. Kasem was benevolent enough to distractedly shake Travis' hand as he muttered into his cell phone about firing an intern who had improperly ordered his sandwich. From that day onward, Travis was enchanted with the entertainment industry. he vowed to work his way up the Hollywood ladder, starting by taking on a gig in the popcorn dispensing biz and applying to several video rental boutiques. Nineteen years later, he started doing comedy shows with Kevin Clarke, and the rest is history. And by "history" I mean "boring".
Kevin Clarke was born of one mother and seven fathers as a part of a secret government program bent on creating some kind of hyper-intelligent super soldier for warfare against the Russians, who at the time could still be referred to as a world power without even a hint of irony. As the poly-fertilized ova gestated in its stainless steel incubation chamber, unforseen technical problems arose. The egg split in two, creating dual fetuses--one of which contained the precious, uber-DNA needed to make the project a success. That one died, however, and Kevin Clarke was born a pathetic, mewling, yellowish runt, and he would change little in his physical transition to adulthood.
He tried his hand at many occupations as he searched for his path in life--poker dealer, roulette croupier, crap shooter and dog milker--but nothing quite suited him until he found work at the old shoelace factory, which went out of business six weeks later. Distraught, Kevin turned to Drugs. Johnny Drugs ended up introducing Kevin to Travis Vogt, and after a few tenuous knife fights the two men hit it off famously. Eight years later they started doing comedy shows, and nobody cared.
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