July 14, 1947 Travis Vogt born.
July 14, 1947 Kevin Clarke also born.
August 15, 1948 Kevin Clarke takes first steps and says first word ("equidistant") at the same time.
January 1, 1956 Travis Vogt learns how to eat unassisted.
March 27, 1964 Travis vogt and Kevin Clarke lose virginity, to each other.
April 3, 1967 Travis Vogt and Kevin Clarke are formally introduced.
September 8, 1973 Travis Vogt has stomach pumped after drinking a fifth of apple brandy in three minutes after a game of pick-up basketball having not eaten in three days on pain killers.
Feb. 30, 1974 Kevin Clarke takes LSAT, earns perfect score, falls on head, forgets how to remember things, loses job at prestigious law firm, sues for descrimination, wins $14 million, loses money on bus.
1975-1979 Infamous "black period" for Clarke and Vogt. Little is known about what went on, outside of Travis' extensive journals, the written records of the Journalist who was there the whole time, hundreds of miles of documentary footage and a rift in the fabric of time which repeatedly shows what Clark and Vogt were doing from 1975-1979.
Feb. 6, 1980 Travis Vogt and Kevin Clarke are born again. The enormous placentas are used to feed hungry Swedish children.
March 18, 1982 Travis Vogt renounces God after God steals his girlfriend.
March 23rd, 1982 Kevin Clarke attempts to reconcile Travis with God. While Clarke is away speaking with Vogt, God bones his girlfriend.
March 24th, 1982 Kevin Clarke renounces God.
May 3, 1989 Clarke and Vogt go on a boat trip to Bermuda. Hundreds perish.
July 4, 1991 After years of archival research, thoughtful introspection and soul-searching, Toby Keith realizes that America is a fantastic country.
August 10, 1994 Kevin Clarke punches Michael Dukakis in the throat, claiming the former Presidential candidate "looked at me queer". Clarke represents self in court, ends up successfully countersuing Dukakis for $28 million, loses money between seats at a movie theater.
Feb. 8th, 1999 Travis Vogt eats entire pack of Skittles, masturbates.
April 9, 2004 Vogt and Clarke perform first show "After Supper We Die!". Tens of people attend, stay until end of show.
August 20th, 2005 Scarecrow and Mr. Vogt perform first entirely live show, say "fuck" 137 times in less than an hour, do a 15-minute gay joke. Audience politely converses amongst self until show concludes.
Oct. 14th, 2007 Travis Vogt attempts suicide, fails miserably, becomes Mormon, marries Trudy Wendell Hope, is sent on 9 month mission to Kazykhstan.
Jan. 12, 2010 Vogt becomes Supreme Sovereign Dictator of Kazykhstan, appoints Kevin Clarke as Minister of War.
April 17th, 2016 Vogt and Clarke stand trial at UN for crimes against humanity. Clarke countersues humanity, wins $11 Trillion, spends money on aggressive missile offense system, which he loses in the grocery store parking lot.
April 23, 2016 Tripartite axis of USA, China and Bolivia carpet bombs Kazykhstan capital of Voglarkeville, killing all citizens not already butchered by Clarke and Vogt. Clarke and Vogt escape to nearby South Africa, where they are arrested for loitering and murdered in prison.
Feb. 17, 3047 Giant meteor strikes Earth, killing most.
Feb. 18, 3047 Giant meteor strikes Earth, killing rest.
Feb. 19, 3047 Christ returns, slaps forehead.
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